She's a Little Bit Country

Today I have Carri Brown as this week's Featured Guest who I met at #Wineparty many moons ago. A country girl at heart and a mom of the cutest little monster Blake, I appreciate her snarky opinionated view, which she has been known to share by video. We also share the urge to throat punch deserving douchcanoes on a regular basis.  I think you will enjoy her honest style and the martinis she mixes up with Jessica of My Time as Mom over on One Martini at a Time. Today she also shares an added bonus recipe for a drunken Coffee Nut Cocktail I'm dying to try out!






How long have you been blogging?

I started blogging on a whim in September of 2010. A friend of mine suggested I write down all of Blake’s milestones, but I wasn’t about to sit down with a pen and piece of paper. I didn’t want to type everything out on Word, either, so I decided to start a blog on PopSugar. From there, I moved to Blogger, and then I moved to Wordpress in April of last year.

What piece of advice can you give to unseasoned bloggers?

Be yourself. Unless you suck. Then be someone else.

When is your favorite time of the day and why?

8pm because… DUH. Blake’s bedtime!

Where were you last Tuesday?

I took Blake to school, and then I took my horse out for a ride. We’ve had some really awesome weather so I’m taking advantage of it before the rain comes!

 Who or what brings you the most inspiration?

Vodka.

What is your favorite movie?

I want to say “Blazing Saddles” but to be honest, I’m not much of a movie person.

 Why should people read your blog?

You should read it because it’s funny. And because I’m paid per page view.

 What blog post of yours is your favorite?

Can I give you more than one? Okay good. Most people love my post about Lil Wayne, but my favorite funny post is So Happy It’s Thursday: Ooops I Crapped My Pants Edition. Because potty training is all fun and games until your kid drops a deuce in the back yard.

Monster was written after a particularly bad anxiety attack. In it, I finally opened up about my anxiety disorder and postpartum depression and began to talk about my mom’s bipolar disorder.

 Where is the most interesting place you’ve been?

A Walmart in Gallop, New Mexico. Not even kidding. My friend and I jumped in the truck one day and went out there because I decided to buy a horse sight unseen. We drove the 750 miles out there before I discovered that I had forgotten all of my toiletries and makeup. I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT MAKEUP and the only place in town was Walmart. Unfortunately, this was before cell phones with built in cameras.

 This or that:        
Gloves or Mittens? There’s a difference?

                                               
Air Guitar or Lip Sync? Lip Syncing.

                                           
Cape or Mask? Cape. Masks freak me out.

                                           
Heads or Tails? Tails. I’m a rebel like that.

                                           
Pie in the Face or Slip on a Banana peel? Pie in the face so I can eat it.

                                               

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We love vodka. And we love coffee. Which is why we love cocktails that combine the two just like the Espresso Martini we posted awhile back. This Drunken Coffee Nut Cocktail is similar to an iced hazelnut mocha except it's got a kick (which is always good).

 

Drunken Coffee Nut Cocktail

Ingredients

3 ounces fresh brewed coffee
2 ounces 360 Double Chocolate Vodka
1 ounce Frangelico Hazelnut Liquour
1 ounce half and half Ice
Optional: Chocolate powder for rimming glass

Preparation

Optional, rim glass with vodka and then dip in chocolate powder. Pour fresh brewed coffee, vodka, Frangelico, and half and half into a rocks glass. Add ice and stir. Sip on the back patio with your favorite muffin or scone and the newspaper (or your laptop).

 

Cheers!

You can find Carri on twitter @CarriBrown
She's also all over Instagram and Pinterest.


Thanks for sharing Carri!!

 

Midwestern Travel - World's Largest Truckstop

Let's visit the heartland shall we?
I don't want to bore you to sleep but there really isn't more mundane stretches of road than those that run through the Midwest.  I'd like to tell you that cornfields are beautiful and the aged barns are picturesque.  The aromatic smell of fresh skunkish cow dung blowing in the summer breeze may be a highlight depending on who you are - my aunt actually loves it but this is from the lady who also said childbirth was the most relaxing experience.  

Let's be real.  
After a cornfield or two and the wafting fresh country air, it's like the Flintstones scene sequence over and over again.  Anyone that has ever driven through it will be able to relate.  

If you're lucky, you might just happen upon The World's Largest Truckstop - Iowa 80.  This is the highlight of our trip from Northwest Indiana to North Central Iowa - over the river and through the woods to see my 91 year old grandmother.  Growing up, between I SPY and the picnic game, it was only the Mississippi River bridge that we looked forward to on the trip.  Now my kids have this enormous money maker to get excited about asking 87 thousand times, "Are we there yet?"  The river comes in a slow second.

Not only does this place boast the Taco Bell/Pizza Hut combo, Wendy's, DQ/Orange Julius, Blimpie, and an entire sit down buffet restaurant, they recently replaced the arcade with a Caribou Coffee (kids aren't as happy as mom about that change).  The gift shop includes a movie section, kids section, tchotchke section, jewelry section, clothes and magnets from every state.  They have old model cars and trucks on display throughout the place, one up on a pedestal above your head as you walk in. That's only what we saw today.  Last year, the Ice Road Truckers were set up there and we  had to go looking for my mom because she went out to take pictures for my dad.  You know you're from the Midwest when you're excited about the Ice Road Truckers being there...

Upstairs is where they have showers and laundry but also the modern conveniences of a dentist, chiropractor, masseuse - which may or may not come as a combo deal.  We've never had the need to go upstairs and honestly, I hope we never do.  The main floor is enough to take in on one trip and you never know when you might meet a surprise guest or find some kind of festival going on.  It's all very exciting if you ask my kids...and my mom!

Throat Punch - Dirty Thirty Edition

DUDE
Have you heard about this guy Desmond Hatchett from Tennessee?
Over the course of the last 14 years he has fathered 30 children with 11 different women.  
30. children.  
three. zero.
Think about 30 children for a minute.  
I'm picturing that old lady in the shoe. 
On crack.

The oldest is 14 and the youngest are toddlers.  Seriously?  How do you have so much time on your hands after the first couple kids?  I naturally assume there is no way any of these children live with him.  You all know as well as I do, if any one of them did, that right there would be enough birth control for him not to have 30 kids.  We are talking about an average of 2 kids per year. Over the course of 14 years.  That's just the average.


Nine of those children have been born in the last THREE years - now that's three kids a year. I couldn't make this shit up you guys. Apparently sperm works like breastfeeding - the more you do it the more you produce?  Either that or this guy just has super sperm.


It was also reported that the main reason his numbers hit a record high was because he had 4 kids in the same year - TWICE.  I mean four kids in one year..


Are you kidding me?


Okay so even though 30 kids in 14 years is good reason, that's not even the reason for my throat punch because as you can probably guess, (or maybe you are surprised..) that's not even the best part - there is more to this gem of a story...


Now that his oldest is 14, and he still makes minimum wage he is requesting for THE STATE to HELP him pay his child support.  He would like a break.


I'll give you a break...


This is where I want to punch this douche canoe with an extra big fist to rattle his brain a little. You are telling me that you never thought about child support when you took your dick out?  I mean after having to pay and pay again for another child and another and yet another, (we could be here all day people..) with your pay being garnished more and more each time, you would think your brain would make the conscious connection and help you choose NOT to continue to produce more children.  We know he obviously wasn't thinking with his brain..


This also makes me wonder about these 11 women - who possibly have 3 or more kids with this deadbeat.  They didn't learn their lesson the first time around?  He must really have some extra special magic going on in those pants.


To me, the best punishment for this guy - because he hasn't broken any laws nor is he in violation of anything - would be for these 11 baby mommas to hand over these 30 children to him and make him raise their asses for awhile.  I mean if you can't keep your dick in your pants and you can't pay child support, it only seems like a natural consequence that you should take these children under your own roof 24/7.  There is no break in fathering a child. Ask any real father. You made this bed - or in his case messed it up - in mass quantities...now it's your responsibility. Deal with it like a man and quit asking for help. Desmond Hatchett, may your man part shrivel up due to overuse and your baby mommas continue to get every cent they deserve.  It's a shame that all these children have you to claim for a father.  You will never have the time to be a dad to any of these children - how is that fair to any of them? 


Why can't people take responsibility for their actions?  Why don't people think about the consequences that could come from their actions?
  
Because they like to be throat punched that's why!!
Tell me what you think of this story.  Do you think this guy has a leg to stand on getting any help from the state?

These Little Waves just got a little smaller

So today is such a good day!  I have your friend and mine, Galit Breen of These Little Waves as my Featured Guest this week - so exciting!  Galit has some wonderful stuff out on the interwebs including her monthly meme with Alison of Mama Wants This called Memories Captured among these other amazing things:

• Buy a book, fight cancer. Find out about Write for the Fight here. 

• Inspire creativity in someone (young!) that you love. Find out about Pens and Paint here.

• Her writing can also be found at BlogHer, Scary Mommy, The SITS Girls among numerous other great places around the internet - you don't have to look very far to find her!

A mother of three living in the heartland, Galit is an author first and a blogger second - it shines through in  her words and seeps into your soul.  I have not seen another blogger that epitomizes author for me like she does.  I think you will agree when you read her post she so graciously shares with us today:

I sat in my closet and cried today. It’s probably not what you think.

I was surrounded by clothes. Denims and knits and fibers that cannot be named. 

Teacher clothes. Maternity Clothes. New Mom clothes. 

Each one stitched to tell a worn part of my story.

After a weekend of battling my daughters over their own closet -the way it was full and messy and not what it should be- my husband ever so subtly ran his fingers through his hair and his eyes over my side of the closet and his thoughts right over my heart and said, “Maybe it’s time to tackle your clothes.”

And tackling, is exactly what it feels like I’m doing.

And so, I sat in my closet and cried today.

I placed fabric between my fingers, breathing in its familiar feel, as a single tear ran down my cheek.

***

“I lost ten pounds!” She says. Her smile lighting her way as she flips her long chocolate locks behind one shoulder.

I mirror her smile. How can I not? It glows from within.

“I just hope I can keep it off.” She confides. “I’m not getting rid of these jeans. Not yet.” Her light darkens.

And I get this, from my very own dark place.

***

I believe with every fiber of my being that you have to be willing to let go of one, in order to embrace another.

Things that don’t work, but take up time and energy and heart and being, have to be released to allow Better Goodness in.

***

I think this is true for jobs and relationships and roles and labels.

So in the most literal meaning of my MindHeart’s belief, I cry for these too big, somewhat ugly, not my own, but oh so very comfortable clothes.

Because them, I get. And this role of “in between sizes” and “trying to lose weight,” I also get.

It's the other side of being comfortable in my skin and loving my clothes and their fit, that's new. And new, is hard.

***

That's why I cried in my closet today. My tears slid freely as I place Old Fits into a Donate bag.

Mid-cry Brody slid into my lap and in his "quiet" three-ness asked, “What’s the matter, mommy?”

“I guess I’m sad to say good bye to my clothes.” I whispered.

He traced my sad. His tiny fingertips touched my cheek and my nose and my chin. 

Then he said, “But there are good ones righthere," gesturing above us where my newer, better fit clothes hang neatly side by side.

And I was struck by his rightness. 

Change is hard. But Better Good is rightthere, if we choose to loosen our fingertips grasps on Old, and let New in.

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See? Didn't I tell you about feeling it in your soul?

I think if you haven't already discovered Galit for yourself, you should be inclined to get to know her!  Thank you Galit again for writing for me today - it means a lot to me that you decided to share with us!

You can find Galit on twitter @GalitBreen
or check out her fabulous pins on Pinterest

Coffee Fuels the Soul

So we've all heard in the news this week about how research is showing 
coffee can cut your overall risk of dying by 10%.  

It seems to go back and forth throughout the history of research about coffee and current studies also include sites of traces of certain hazardous poisons being in different types of coffee. You can believe one or the other or both.  I wouldn't get excited about any of them - even though I was admittedly immediately intrigued about the whole living longer thing. These researchers will most likely change their minds again in the future as per usual like how they often go back and forth about the health risks or benefits of eggs or milk. 

No matter how you take your coffee the bottom line is this:
Believe what you want to believe - if you believe it's good for you, and you will live longer because of it, then do it right? If you believe that it's not good for you, simply leave it alone, we won't hold it against you. For long.  Promise.

Now I'm not saying this will philosophy work on cake or anything deep fried - what I am saying is that if you want to live to the highest mortality rate you can achieve and you think massive amounts of coffee will get you there, more power to you!  Who am I to tell you to stop?  I wouldn't dare.  Dumbo believed he could fly because he was holding a single feather...

I believe that coffee fuels my soul.  

I believe coffee warms my heart and invigorates my spirit.

 I believe I will probably live forever just on what I've already consumed in my life this far.  

I believe coffee is my best friend who has been around the longest and has never forsaken me when I needed it most. (of course who knows what happens when my back is turned)

What do you believe about your coffee?

The Java Joe Mamas are back on CLM with Coffee Chronicles!!

**I do apologize for last weeks internet FAIL.  Now back to your regularly scheduled programs..

They Really Do Love Each Other

Every now and then with all the daily activities, play dates and struggles with homework or in between having to separate the kids for one reason or another, I like to be reminded that they really do love each other.  I like to get proof of it whenever I get the chance.

Sometimes it doesn't always display itself like when he's playing piano just to annoy her more than he already was or the times when she's bossing him around (which happens daily).  

Sometimes it's subtle like when he helps her grow in some small way or when she wants to go with him to one of his friends' houses because she's secretly envious of his independence.

Sometimes it's very obvious like these situations...

Yep...they're stuck with each other - good thing they both like hats!
What do your kids do as a reminder that they really do love each other?

I'm linked up with Galit and Alison for their most wonderful linky Memories Captured, 

I hope you join us!

Dijon, France - Self-Guided Walking Tour

Known as the capitol of the Burgundy region in France, about a 2 hour train ride from Paris, Dijon is an idyllic city boasting numerous churches including the Notre Dame Dijon, museums, amazing half-timbered buildings and polychrome roofs made of tiles of different colors in specific eye-catching patterns similar to that of the Hospice de Beaune (go ahead and click, it's gorgeous!) which are popular and featured throughout the Burgundy region.  We started our walking tour in the charming park with our guide who with her thick French accent tried to explain every detail finding her words as best she could.

Turning around from the park, we were led across the street to the entrance of the central district of Dijon and greeted by the Porte Guillaume or Guillaume Gate which was fashioned after the Arc de Triomphe in Paris and built in the 18th Century.  It was originally the gate to the city. This is where you can find the start to a self guided walking tour through the city, each stop marked by owls drawn in the sidewalk including facts about each featured location.
There are 22 stops on the tour that give you interesting facts about the buildings and the rich history of the city.  Naturally it helps to know French in order to translate all the facts which is why we had our friendly guide to tell us all about it.

After being led down a few shop filled streets with amazing half-timbered houses, we were shown the Duke's Palace which still holds the city's Town Hall today.  There is no vehicle traffic allowed in the center of Dijon which makes it a great place to be able to enjoy walking about without worrying about whether a car will be coming down the narrow cobbled roads to meet you.

This tour was another one of those that I had to be told consistently to catch up to the rest of the group because I was stopping to take pictures of things that were off the tour that I thought were intriguing like this doorway for one.

Dijon has another square with a beautiful carousel that is very similar to the one in Beaune, France.  They look so much alike that I argued endlessly with my boss when I came back about which picture was from which city.

Dijon is a city that struck me as lively and enchanting even considering our walking tour was on a Sunday and the markets were not open. Dijon hosts an annual International and Gastronomic Fair each fall which is considered one of the top 10 fairs in France.  It would be a good place to spend an entire holiday trip with everything it has to offer from hotels or shopping to fine cuisine and let's not forget the wine!

You may have noticed that I didn't mention the thing that Dijon is most famous for - the mustard! (Not the vintage phone booth) Of course we saw the mustard! There is a reason for that - I have it planned for the next "Did You Know" linky because not only do I have a great photo of a mustard shop offering all different colors and flavors, I have found some interesting facts about the mustard in Dijon that I bet you didn't know.


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I do apologize for being inconsistent over the past week with my travel posts. (and all the others that never got posted)  I was out of internet half the week but will be back to the regularly scheduled program from here on out being that we changed our ISP after too much time spent not solving the problem.  


You can look for my travel posts on Tuesdays, throat punching on Thursday and Coffee Friday.  The next couple of weeks I am having Featured Guests on Wednesdays that I am excited about as well so stay tuned for the awesome!

PSA - Don't Mess with this Slick Chick!

So this post was intended to go out on Monday but we had no internet at our house until late this afternoon. It's been acting up and we had a second tech out to look at the situation today who seemingly solved the problem - so far so good. 

It's amazing how less than a 48 hour window of no internet can mess up a blog (like this one) with no scheduled posts in advance... 

I told my husband it was a good thing I don't get paid to be on the internet.  
His response was if I did, we would have been millionaires a long time ago..

Anyway - 

This PSA is a creation that my daughter came up with for a project at school, other choices were to make a poster with an anti-drug message or write a song. She chose the video and when I told her she could be both characters, she was all over it.

I give you a second grader's take on saying NO to drugs..

She thinks this will be her gateway to fame and stardom, trust me.  She was only disappointed in the fact that her classmates laughed - I told her that just meant she was entertaining. Wouldn't you agree?

Throat Punch Thursday - Tanning and Towing Edition

So by this time you have heard enough about the lovely leather skinned 44 year old mother form Jersey who looks like she's gaining on 60 and in trouble for supposedly putting her fair child in a tanning booth.  She of course denies doing anything wrong, claims the child was never in the actual booth, just in the room with her while she tanned - playing with protective goggles on.  She continues to downplay it by saying that "a lot of the other mothers bring their children with them too."  Really?

photo credit: Yahoo.com

When I first got wind of this story, I thought what kind of tanning place allows a mother to bring children into the room with them? None I've ever been to in any of my prom, wedding or vacation preps.  Please.  I'm thinking Snooki must be the soul proprietor of this fine establishment.  I'm also guessing it's located down a poorly lit alley next to the laundromat that's just a front for a drug ring.  Now they are all in trouble.

Whether or not any of the allegations are true, just to look at this lady makes me want to give her a good hard punch square in the larnyx.  Lord knows if you miss and hit her face, it may very well crack into a million pieces and fall off - what kind of message is she sending to her daughter?  She who has the darkest tan wins is definitely not a motto this girl should be growing up with.  This award winning mother definitely and literally looks like she's had her head up her ass for far too long..

Speaking of assheads, I just couldn't pass up this story.  What in the holy hell were these grandparents thinking when they decided to connect their grandaughter's plastic toy car to their SUV with dog leashes attached to the trailer hitch dragging her around the neighborhood for the fun of it?  Are you telling me you couldn't find anything better to do?  There's no Chuck E. Cheese in your neighborhood? These fools are old enough to know better.

photo credit: Sarasota County Sheriff's Office

This special case of dumbassery comes complete with a DUI and a suspended licence on the part of the grandfather. Both were under the influence of alcohol and now face charges of child endangerment - luckily the girl was not injured and from what the grandmother said she was having fun.  The grandmother reportedly cheered the girl on from the back of the SUV and they had been doing it for quite awhile before they were caught.  They were spotted by a sheriff traveling at 5 -10 MPH so it's not like they were speeding down the highway or anything dangerous like that..

KAPOW!!!

Is it just me or does it remind you of National Lampoon's Vacation when they forgot the dog was still tied to the back bumper? Apparently these grandparents need a special drunk driving 
course that would include reasons why unauthorized vehicles should not be towed on your trailer hitch and why hindsight is a good thing to have. Remember the time grandpa went to jail for dragging you behind the truck?  Great memory..hope it was fun while it lasted..

Which is worse? Tanning or towing? 
Who do you think deserves the bigger throat punch?

Did You Know Ireland has palm trees?

I would like to welcome you to my first Travel Tuesday which will be a new feature here on Tuesdays at CLM (that is until management decides otherwise).  I will be writing about not only my travels abroad but also my travel experiences here in the US, most of which will be road trips as I don't venture out of the midwest as often as I would like to anymore. I'm also linking up today with Just Jennifer and her monthly linky Did You Know? - which she has graciously invited me to co-host with her today!  I have been participating in this linky since it started at the beginning of the year - it's pretty easy to come up with some useful (or useless - we're not picky) tidbit of information you know is not common knowledge and present it as DID YOU KNOW?? Why not join in on the fun? 

Get a little froggy with us today and link up at the bottom of this post with your uncommon knowledge you know we desperately need or want to know....for example...

Today we are in Ireland - did you know Ireland has palm trees?!?

Now to those of you who may be more educated than I and know about these things, I'm sorry if this is not a surprise to you but when we drove past this on our way into Galway City, I became giddy.  Who would ever think Ireland and palm trees?  Maybe I'm just easily amused (yes that's it in a nutshell).. It's definitely not the correlation one would normally make with Ireland. It does make total sense with Galway being on the west coast of Ireland on the shore of the Atlantic ocean.  It just never occurred to me that we would go all the way to Ireland and see palm trees!  Now when you go, you won't have to be naively surprised like I was.  You can act more educated and say you were wondering when you would see one.
Did you know?
You are welcome..

Did You Know? 
You are also MORE than welcome (no really, it's requested and required) to link up your post about your interesting information with us by joining the linky list below and seeing what others have to share...the link will be here all week, no excuses - you know you want to!


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