Sunday, June 13, 2010

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When..

I happened to come across this list in my documents on my computer tonight and although I cannot take credit for writing it, and I don't normally have the expected effects from coffee as I think I have become immune to caffeine, a few of them really made me laugh so I wanted to share..please enjoy responsibly!

You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When..

You answer the door before people knock.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named "Joe".
You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You have a conniption over spilled milk.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
Your three favorite things in life before, coffee during and coffee after.
Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

So hoping you enjoyed this list as much as I did and maybe it brightened your Monday a little - be sure and let me know your favorite and feel free to add to the list. Here's to a great week!!


Dazee Dreamer said...

oh my. that's good. Let me add one. You know you haven't had your morning coffee yet, when you make the first pot at work, and start the second pot without putting the first pot on the top warmer. Oopsie. Can you say, coffee, coffee, everywhere. Did that first this this morning. :O

family of 4 on the move! said...

LOL I love it!! Especially the Charles Manson one!! Thanks for the laugh!! I really needed it today!

cathyjoy said...

that's funny! i may have to borrow a few for my status line of fb!!!

Leah said...

I loves these! I am going to print it and hang it on my fridge. Found you over on Bloggy Moms. I can't wait to read more!

Jen said...

ha ha, you can't even remember your second cup. what about when you talk in your sleep and it's about coffee? I've done it before...hubby thought it was hilarious